my loneliness
is everyone's loneliness
is the only reason
you think you know me
enough to tell me I am lonely
it is a comforting thought
all alone together
you think this is horrible
I wouldn't dare dream of a better way
12
eating a sloppy joe on the balcony
watching kids I know playing
ground beef splattered on my shirt
I tried to do cartwheels
I never could
the old man is dead
and I don't know who reads this or why
I'd be admired from a distance
I watch with tears and food on my shirt
I'm falling over long limbs
grass stains and bruises for you
3 comments:
people who admire you read this, or rather, people who can see, more clearly than you perhaps, that you are an amazing human being, that you are gifted, that what you do matters. i don't know you, but maybe i know parts of you. maybe i just remember feeling the exact same way. i found my soul mate precisely when it seemed impossible, precisely when I had totally and completely given up, when I realized it actually didn't matter if I found them or not, that it would happen or not independently of my own effort. interesting that i first saw her at a late night cafe, she worked there, i didn't say hello because i thought she was too good for me. i was eating a sloppy joe (really) and by chance was introduced a month later by a friend of a friend. like the sun traversing behind clouds, it has not always been perfect, but i know the sun is there, and i know at times it will break through and there will be moments of perfection.
Hi Bryan, Thank you for your kind words and sweet story. I'm glad that you have a good association with sloppy joes! I do actually have a wonderful partner of 4 years who has been a great support to me but when I was a child I was lonely and very idealistic. I had dreams about a twin brother who was never born and I wrote a lot of poetry about some girl or boy who would be my other half. This person would be so much like me that I would never have to pretend with them. I don't really know where this idea came from other than that it was a nice escape from my problems in socializing and a pretty dismal family life. Now I probably project it onto musicians I admire (hence the constant blogging/archiving).
Anyways, like you said, the moments of perfection are worth it.
wow, i kinda misinterpreted that didn't I? and your explanation is so much more interesting. did you actually have a twin in the womb, like the "vanishing twin" syndrome. i've heard this is more common than people realize. if so, i could see how this could trigger a lifelong longing for your other half. it's interesting because i have boy/girl twins who are almost 4. they are so different but such great friends. they love eachother immensely and one of my favorite things is to watch them interact with eachother, figure things out together, play, hide and be joyful together. i'm so glad they have eachother, especially since my boy almost didn't make it.
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